Apologies to the Staff

Unraveling the universe attempt #3

I'm not a hundred percent on this but if a black hole were to absorb another black hole...bad shit would happen...I dunno maybe it gets flipped inside out and starts spewing matter and light back into the universe,Pressure,heat and light would be pushed out at a phenomenal rate,Creating a huge stream of plasma,cooking the universe back to it's base elements or giving the entire universe a thin atmosphere and planets start falling or shifting from orbit or something.
I'M NOT A SCIENTIST GOD DAMN IT!

Anyway,to the main title.
I had a lovely invitation from my grand parents,for lunch.(I won't mention the place,as I do not wish to tarnish their reputation with a list of goods they would not serve me).
On arrival after a long chat with my grandfather about how folksy old fashion racism is ok but black people shouldn't say nigger,we were seated and ordered drinks I ordered a glass of red wine and then my grand dad interjected.
I shall take this opportunity to explain;
My grandfather is a seventy something year old man,with acute angina and a host of medical conditions.He has a special pair of leather driving gloves(for his pewter grey corsa) and a matching leather hat(you know the ones,they make you think of miners and people who drive trains).Anyway he has a sense of humor that the biggest bastard in hell would question,It isn't bad..but not everyone gets the joke and no subject is taboo.
He orders me a brandy,expensive and for his own amusement(brandy makes my face scrunch up and go bright red,also means I make a loud hissing noise) because he knows I won't waste something that "Expensive",comparatively speaking paint stripper has a far nicer aftertaste and thin bleach goes down smoother.

A lone waiter appears and I've had a good ten minutes of odd looks from all around while my grandfather laughs hysterically.
"Are you ready to order?"
My GD orders gammon steak with pineapple and egg and chips..not it's name on the menu but it was on the plate.And my GM ordered Coq au Van(insert Cock joke here).

And I ( my GD having kicked me in the shin and winked at me) gave an extensive list,some highlights below;

- 1 human young on a roll.(met with nervous laughter)
- 1 Carnivore safe salad.(I was proud of this one)

- 1 special soup,withdrawn instantly because I'd feel bad for destroying something the chef thought was special.

- A single plum, Floating in schnappes in a trilby hat(simpsons did it first)
- Hot liquid nitrogen
- A still beating Tiger heart..(they have no hearts)

I settled on a steak (apologies to vegetarians),and was posed the question how do you like your steak?
"bloody or Charcoal" - direct quote.
I'm assuming these were alternatives to rare or well done.
I responded "could I possibly get..".Which and variations of, mean I would like to make my order a pain in the ass for you.
"..A rare steak cut into the shape of a cow?"

Now this is where it gets bad..or good
He shoots of like a lightning bolt to obtain my Cow steak...

5 minutes later

ADAM HAS COW SHAPED STEAK!
*UBER GAY HAPPY VICTORY DANCE*

the chef was a brilliant madman,with a clinically boring job it seems, and I'm glad to have brightened his day..or been a large pain in his ass.

I'd like to thank my waiter by the name Carl,who was handsomely tipped (£20) by me and GD for his courageous efforts in facilitating my stupidity.

We left,Me and my GD beaming like two guys just out of a brothel.
And that is why I love My Grandfather!

Crazy Relatives?
vvvTell me in commentsvvv

Howling at the moon..

First things first;
FUCK YOU MAGES!!!!
Shove your herpes up your arseholes!
If you didn't understand that,well done your a well adjusted person.

I'm gonna take a break from my regularly scheduled rant about whatever the crap affects my twisted mind and blab about stuff that actually affects me.

So wednesday night,a friend and a girlfriend are there with me, and someone says "lets go for a walk"...........at 11:30pm.
So we all put some clothes all of us madly underdressed for the weather and go for a walk in the woods in the pitch black,freezing night.
And the best part is,It's the most fun I've had in a long time,it was muddy and wet and very cold and I loved every second of it.
But it also raised to my attention my horrendously overactive imagination and the fact that I have an internal soundtrack to my life playing at all time.Now were on a small path wandering through dense forest and I start seeing things that aren't there and having thoughts about were-wolves and murderers and rapists and vague mythological things that exist in the wierd old books I read.

Anyway thats not the wierdest part,we get to the top of a nearby mountian(welsh definition) and I'm fairly warm so I take of my hoody and my arms start to burn.
So far as I can explain either I was suffering from mild mild hypothermia or Lunar light burns me,hmmm time for some mid-night tanning adventures methinks.

The other truely amazing thing about that night was how beautiful Chloe looked under the piercing white glow......Adam really is in love..and she's worth every moment of my waking attention.

So we've established today that I'm a huge Goth/nerd/emo/fag/childish/wierdo and I really can't help but be romantic lol.

I've got to go now,but you all know a little more about me...good or bad,your decision.

"Show me,Show me,Show me how you do that trick. The one that makes me laugh she said, Threw her arms around my head,the one that makes me scream she said.And I promise you,I'll run away with you."